“You can have it your way…”

“…but if you dare, we will humilitate you.” Thank you, McDonalds.

I don’t eat at McD’s very often anymore (you can thank Morgan Spurlock for that), but when I do, I like bacon. Bacon bacon bacon. I add it to everything. You would think this would not be a very difficult task, because as far as I know, it requires only two steps:

1) lift bun.
2) insert bacon.

It doesn’t quite work out that way. See, at McDonalds, adding bacon takes time. If, heaven forbid, you should ask for it at the drive-thru, then it will take a really long time. Long enough, in fact, that they will ask you to wait in a parking space so you won’t jam up their steady stream of regular (bacon-free) customers. Now, I don’t mind doing this once in awhile, but the other day they did this to me:

Hey! I'm a dork! Look at me!

They put a hat on my car. With a number. Now, I think if I had a Beetle or a Mini, it would be cute. On a low-slung, growling black sports car, it’s just humiliating. You know it. Your friends know it. The people at McDonalds know it. And that’s why they did it.

I could feel them laughing at me from inside the restaurant. That’s why it takes so long to get bacon, you know – it takes them that long to compose themselves.

3 Comments so far

  1. Mitchell (unregistered) on July 4th, 2005 @ 2:42 am

    Yeah, but Wendell. Bacon’s not an ingredient in any of the regular lunch items. I’ll bet they have to cook it up first, and that’s not something you want your average McDonald’s fryguy to rush through, is it?

    The car-hat shouldn’t humiliate you. At least they don’t do that to you when you’re ordering in the restaurant.

  2. Mr.Wendell (unregistered) on July 4th, 2005 @ 7:20 pm


    Argh! No way man! They have stacks of bacon sitting on the counter top in plain view. The only thing they make fresh are french fries, and that’s because they need to be irradiated. Fries have a half-life of about 3 minutes, and they don’t get cold – they become *inert*. Really. Try putting a room temperature fry in your mouth. Eww.

  3. Mitchell (unregistered) on July 5th, 2005 @ 2:05 pm

    I’m going to McD’s today just to check that! Yes I am! And. . .why would they have all that bacon just sitting there, when none of the menu items has it as a regular ingredient? Do that many people ask for the extra bacon on their stuff?

    You know, I hear that you can get a punchcard punched every time you order something with extra bacon at McD’s. Fill it and get 20% off your next angioplasty!

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